What is it about Canada that inspires Canadians to build so many wonderful fountains? I think Canadians are just excited by the idea of water that isn't frozen, and more impressed with the novelty of seeing water move.

    Canada's Wonderland (Vaughan, Ontario): I used to go swimming in this fountain every time I went to the extremely hot amusement park known as Canada's Wonderland, but the management caught wind of my exploits and erected an iron fence around my private pool. Later on, Canada's Wonderland spent $6 million building a waterpark called Splashworks. I think they could have saved a lot of money by just tearing down that fence.

    CNE (Toronto, Ontario): The CNE is another one of those amusement parks where it gets so hot you just can't help but accidentally fall in the fountain. Every single time you go.

    CNE (Toronto, Ontario): A much larger and more fountainous fountain at the CNE.

    Vancouver Fountain (Vancouver, British Columbia): This Robson street waterfall was refreshing on a very hot day, but coated my feet with a thick coating of green slime. Obviously, Vancouverites don't go fountain diving often enough.

    Flame Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This fountain, located in the public square between Metro Hall and Roy Thompson Hall, unites three diametrically opposed forces: water, fire, and Jeff Chapman.

    Cup Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): Located less than 20 paces to the east of the Flame Fountain, the Cup Fountain provides the fountain tourist with a charming admixture of beauty and comfort.

    Cup Fountain Part Two: The Waterfall (Toronto, Ontario): What cup fountain would be complete without a waterfall?

Answer: none.

    King Street Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This little beauty on King Street caught my eye and reeled me in before I knew what was happening. We now have two beautiful children.

    Big Wet Wall (Toronto, Ontario): This was a big wet wall. The water here poured down extremely hard, fast and wet, soaking me utterly. This was a good thing, though, as it was a very hot day.

    Big Round Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This shot is an extreme close-up of me in the middle of a very large round fountain, hidden away in between a bunch of bank towers.

My expression here conveys, "What more could you ask for?"

    Cage Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): 'The man' tried to keep this water in a cage, but water is very crafty, and it frequently managed to shoot up through the bars.

The water pressure here was not really strong enough to push me off the ground, though that would have been cool.

    Uprooted Tree With Spiralling Spout Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): Ah, the good old Uprooted Tree With Spiralling Spout fountain. Anything this fountain doesn't say about the plight of urban man just isn't worth saying.

    Jacuzzi Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This half-jacuzzi, half-fountain is surprisingly bubbly and comfortable. I really have no idea why I was the only person in this fountain at the time this picture was taken.

    Decent-sized Wet Wall (Toronto, Ontario): This small waterfall was tucked away in a tiny parkette, adjacent to a row of Perrier vending machines with pictures of Niagara Falls on them. I didn't think it was very nice for Perrier to taunt the Decent-sized Wet Wall. I mean sure it's not that big, but it certainly is wet, and that's more than I can say for most walls these days. <sigh>

    Dog Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): The Dog Fountain is so called not because it is shaped like a dog (debatable), but because it is a favourite swimming spot for dogs. Just prior to my visit, no less than three dogs had been cavorting in this fountain at once. If that's not a dog fountain I don't know what is.

NEWSFLASH! The Dog Fountain has become the setting for a new TV commercial for Degree antiperspirant! In the ad, a man is for some reason embarrassed to be caught standing in the fountain by his future in-laws.

    Historic Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This is a fountain of great historical significance, as it is old.

    Rhymthically Splattering Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): I wish this picture was a video clip instead of a still shot, because this fountain is cool mainly because it rhythmically splatters its water at a variety of different heights.

    Small University Avenue Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This fountain exists primarily as an appetizer for the fountain which lies on the opposite side of Queen Street.

    Big University Avenue Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): I'm located inside the middle ring of this majestic, beautiful fountain. I seem to recall more than one pair of dirty socks were in the fountain with me on this particular occasion.

    Ryerson Rock Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This summer fountain/winter ice rink is a favourite hang out of mine, but it is currently entirely closed off for some suspicious looking construction. This natural wonder was no doubt built at great taxpayer expense so I certainly hope they're constructing carefully.

    Garbage Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): I know what you're thinking - "what a pleasant little grotto fountain our Jeff has found, how lucky he is to be bathing in its pure waters." Well, you are a fool. This stagnant waste pool is located just behind the Eaton's Centre, and is filled with soggy cigarette butts, half-eaten food, and industrial waste. I did this for you, people.

    Extremely Intense Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): The Extremely Intense Fountain is also located just behind the Eaton's Centre, but this one is kept quite clean by the millions of litres of water which pour through it each minute. This fountain, as you may have guessed by its name, is Extremely Intense. It almost knocked me over.

    Water Strings Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This pretty Yorkville-area fountain looks like a hundred strings of water pouring from the air to the ground. This effect is achieved by compelling water to run down very thin wires.

    Non-Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This Bay Street oasis has little jets of water shooting in from the sides, but no, it isn't really a fountain. There is a drinking fountain nearby, though, and if you're ever in a pinch you can use your thumb to convert a drinking fountain into a proper aquatic spectacle.

    Greenhouse Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This distinctly easy-on-the-eye waterfall is located in a parkette beside a greenhouse. This particular parkette is a favourite hang out of punks, and I'm sad to say that one of the punks spat into the fountain while I was in it. She smiled at me afterwards to show that she had no hard feelings, though.

    Greenhouse Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): Same fountain, different waterfall. It's important to let these multiple-fountains-in-one-structure-type fountains know who's boss.

    Pyramid Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): This is an Aztec-style pyramid that shoots water out of the top. You have no idea how painful this was, or how long it took my ex-girlfriend to take this picture.

    Cold Toronto Fountain (Toronto, Ontario): When I hopped into this fountain one cold October day, I realized that Toronto was now officially too cold for fountain diving. Accordingly, I packed my bags and flew off the visit the fountains of the Mediterranean.
    Le Fontaine Quebecoise (Quebec City, Quebec): When in Quebec do as the Quebecoise do, as I'm constantly saying, so I braved the cold and dove in to this beautiful but frigid fountain neighbouring le Chateau Frontenac.
    Beaver Fountain (St. John, New Brunswick): I jumped into this fountain on the outskirts of St. John's big downtown cemetery and helped these beavers build their dam. They remained reserved but I'm pretty sure they appreciated it.
    Revitalization Fountain (Burlington, Ontario): Some time passed, and I grew older and wiser. Then I splashed around in this shiny new fountain in Burlington. This fountain is the centrepiece of the city's revitalization efforts. I liked it fine.

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