mindless self indulgence - straight to video

Did I ever tell you about that time that I was shipwrecked and washed up on a deserted tropical island? Yeah, well actually, it happened to me a few months ago. As time dragged on and desperation presented itself, I had to eat the other survivors, and so I'm not entirely proud of the incident. I kept silent about the whole ordeal until now. But you see, something sort of interesting happened that overshadows the murderous savagery of those 6 horrible horrible hours of destitution, and I can keep silent no longer. After consuming this Norwegian chick with big boobs (I was half sorry to see her go; she did have very large breasts, but on the other hand, she was always blabbering away on her cell phone, and it was really driving me nuts!), I was digging her remains a shallow grave when I came across a magical lamp. I rubbed the lamp and out came a Genie, who, as thanks for freeing him, offered me 3 wishes. Driven mad from solitude and thirst, the first thing out of my mouth was that I wanted Metropolis to release a CD single from Mindless Self Indulgence containing 5 remixes of their hit song, Straight To Video. "No," I said, "You better make it 10." After a mere second of thought my mind changed again: "fuck it, let there be 17!" I was all excited now about my second wish, a more important one (to have a bigger or a secondary cock), and my third: world peace. But before I could speak anymore the Genie said: "Ok, that's 3. See you later, you dumb fuck", and off he went.

So there you go. I'm entirely responsible for this monstrosity. Yes, this CD single has 17 fucking versions of the one song. By the end of the CD you've got the words all stuck in your head, and you hate it. Furthermore, for the most part, they're done by big name bands that have nothing to lose by doing a crappy remix. The key to this release is brand recognition rather than quality-- the hope that people will by this CD because Front Line Assembly, Funker Vogt, Combichrist, Front 242, KMFDM, etc., appear on it.

This is not the CD you'd want to have if you were stuck on a deserted tropical island.

Squid @ July 2006