The Pyroto Observer
an entirely unofficial take on current events in the land of Pyroto
Restlech Rejects
They're trivia buffs. They love to have intelligent conversations. And there's an endless supply of them.
Perfect for Pyroto, right?
Yet not long after the group of a dozen-plus fans of the "Straight Dope" newspaper column calling itself the Teeming Millions began to swarm up Restlech Mountain, the natives became restless.
Unaware of Restlech's customs, one TMer imposed an anti-swearing rule without first discussing the matter with senior wizards. Essays and previously published messages were pasted onto a "Teeming Millions" Ether channel, where the Teeming Millions also exchanged tips on how best to trick the system into liking their messages. And a huge number of mass promotions were handed out, often to wizards who had never posted on Restlech's message bands. Though some TMers, such as Bricker, BigRoryG and UPSman, had become regular and valued contributors, a handful of other wizards who had never participated on Restlech in any way had become also become centurions.
Seeing a problem, and finding themselves unable to fix it with either words or limited attacks, Soup, Nkohnuhkholdor, YT TIGER and Thalamus issued an ultimatum that the TMers could either disperse among the various mountains or be squashed -- making the TMers the first rejects from the reject mountain.
Though they didn't fight back in the least, the TMers defied the ultimatum, and instead migrated en masse to the newly-opened mountain Paz Clafi, which they were more or less able to claim as their own. Even those high-level wizards who had actively participated on Restlech felt compelled to leave in order to show solidarity with their friends. And whereas Restlech had initially been strongly divided about the wisdom of exiling a large number of well-intentioned, skilled and intelligent wizards, the general populace quickly accepted the exodus as a fait accompli.
So far, no hostile spells have been fired either way between Restlech and Paz Clafi. While the Teeming Millions have continued to proclaim their pacifism since their move, some wizards who remained behind on Restlech theorize that Teeming Millions wanted to stick together in order to be a more effective climbing/attacking team. Some mid-level wizards on Restlech are talking of forming an "army" to defend their mountain against an attack.
(For more info on the Teeming Millions, read their home page, the Straight Dope FAQ, visit the newsgroups alt.fan.cecil-adams and misc.facts.straight-dope, or check out the "Teeming Millions" and "Teeming Millions Stuff" Ether channels.)Yet Another Mountain
Feeling threatened by the aggressive vibes on Restlech, but not wanting to throw their lot in with the Teeming Millions, a second group of Restlech refugees headed off to settle a new slope.
Yes, slightly more than a week after Paz Clafi opened its doors, the horrendously named Iard Crimleu has opened for business. As of this writing, IC is populated by a whopping four wizards, all of whom fled there from Restlech one evening. Zanzeeb explains: "We came here to feel somewhat safer. Some of us felt tainted by the TM [Teeming Millions] situation and the demotion I recently received was a motivating factor for the rest. We all wish to climb the mountain peacefully so here we are." Top Crimleuian Mr.Moonlight adds that they chose Iard Crimleu over Ponnys Pou because they liked the name better.
Tired, manna-drained TPO staff hope that six mountains are enough for a little while.The Standings
Pyroto continues to lead the pack in terms of the number of centurions, with Jekyl, Mingus, MsMittens, Thargor, Jimbo, Noodle Dwarf, Zelda, FFTobago and Ninjalicious at Magenta and Fionn Mac Cumhail, Dark Heron, Pogue, Jan, Victoria Rose, SpiritMetari, LadyMockingbird, Bison and Angelsuki at Indigo.
In the calm following the recent coup, Imaz's ranks have been drastically redrawn. Dilerium, Souldance, Mr.Gene, Mr.Paul, Punky, Robyn and Cjilgott have established themselves as the Magenta "rankers", while AmbushBug, DoomBringer, Questor, AvylaJewelSynda, Elgjeff, Jacee, Squawkk, Travis122, Blue Ariel and the restored UniqueCrash4 have a monopoly on Indigo robes. Nimby and Kirin have lots of manna and esteem, but haven't called in since being eighty-sixed.
On Restlech, Imazian-turned-Pyrotian-turned-Restlechian Andreus and Pyrotian-turned-Broppsfarian-turned-Restlechian Odinsday lead the ranks at 327, closely trailed by Soup, Nkohnuhkholdor and YT TIGER. One band behind are Tempest, Thalamus, Chameleon, Acapellican, Prometheus119, Rooster7, Tsmaster, Myrkjarten, Twilight, Krimin, Myriad, Lucian and DaMuppet.
Broppsfar has no Magentas, and its only Indigo is Zeno, who after initially rocketing up the mountain is now climbing much more slowly.
Paz Clafi remained terra incognita at press time, though strangely enough Imazian Magenta DejUhlVek was seen running off in that direction with LordGenao in hot pursuit.A Public Service Announcement From Morbid
Pyroto newbie Morbid cautions: "I AM THE NIGHTMARE THAT JERKS YOU AWAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. CHALLENGE ME AND DIE"
You heard it here first.Survey Says...
The Survey spell, for those who haven't yet dabbled, allows wizards to take a look around their environs and examine the distances to each of their mountain's nine nearest neighbours. By employing the Visit and Survey spells in conjunction, exploration-minded wizards can unpuzzle the distances between all the known mountains, which brings a few interesting facts to light:
- Pyroto and Imaz are each other's closest neighbour. Restlech is also closer to Pyroto than any other mountain. Broppsfar is adjacent to Valt Tivearki, Paz Clafi to Piafil Tons, and Iard Crimleu to Tirriwadsa.
- The further a mountain is from Pyroto, the further it is from its neighbours generally. That is, mountains are much more densely packed the closer they are to the centre of the Land, a la Milky Way.
- To visit each of the six colonized mountains from any of the three central slopes costs around 4000 manna. Broppsfarians, Paz Clafites, and Iard Crimleuians will rack up some air miles after paying a 7000-9000 manna for the same trip.
- Dumbest name seen so far: Smihosdahm Smodira (which will probably be settled soon).
- Coolest name seen so far: Nermisoda (which is the furthest one can see from Restlech).
(Thanks to FFTobago for suggesting this feature, and to FFTobago, UPSman, Zanzeeb and Mr.Moonlight for their help.)
Andreus' Latest
Taking exception to Ninjalicious' critique of his attack on Elgjeff, Andreus docked Ninjalicious and his climbing partner FFTobago 25 levels each. That's five levels for each letter in the word "unprovoked".
After whining a little, Ninjalicious and FFTobago managed to get hoisted back to their former level by previously uninvolved third party Noodle Dwarf, who called the affair "petty foolishness at its worst." MsMittens was kind enough to pick up the tab for undoing the attacks.
Following the reversal of the attacks, Andreus headed off to the land of Restlech, where he has been extremely generous with promotions to his fellow Magentas.Ask Miss Manna
Dear Miss Manna,
I recently received a CONTACT message from another wizard that I think may have political implications for my mountain. Is it correct for me to copy and paste this wizard's CONTACT into a public post on one of the message bands, so my fellow wizards and I can discuss it?
Perplexed on Paz ClafiGentle Wizard,
It is at this time that we will study the ancient art of "paraphrasing". If you have engaged another wizard in a private conversation, it is improper to broadcast the other wizard's end of that conversation in a public forum, regardless of the contents of their messages to you. It should go without saying that if a wizard wished to speak publicly, they would have done so. Matters of pressing urgency can be conveyed in your own words, thereby partaking of the tradition of spreading news (and allowing for all the misinterpretations and personal slants that come along with it), rather than the uglier tradition of going behind someone's back. An exception to this would be in the odd instance that, say, a wizard you've never heard of contacts you with a message saying "I'M GOING TO FUCKEN KILL U!!!!!111", in which case Miss Manna permits you to post it on a band where all your friends can laugh.Please send your Pyroto etiquette questions to Miss Manna care of TPO.
Meet Your Overlords: YT TIGER
YT TIGER is one of the longest-term residents of Restlech, as well as the mountain's only Magenta wizard who is native to the mountain.How and when did you come across Pyroto?
Last February I was searching for 'intelligent chat' rooms, because there don't seem to be any around. Pyroto came up, and I was hooked from day one.Do you call every day?
Every week day... If I come on weekends it is to cast a Manna spell and maybe answer a contact or two.What has surprised you most about the game as you've come to know it?
I don't know if 'surprised' is the right word, but I like how it is much more than just a game, but a society of smart individuals that come from all over the world and bring different viewpoints on many topics.What has surprised you most about yourself as you've been playing the game?
That I feel really guilty about being promoted unless I deserve it. It takes a lot away from the game if one doesn't earn their promotes, in my opinion. Of course, I'm not saying promotes are bad, so long as I earned them. When I get promoted a large amount and I don't feel I've earned it, I refuse to climb for a certain amount of time so I can at least take time to earn them.What do you feel your responsibilities are to your lower-level wizards?
I would like to think that they would not fear coming to me with issues or problems that, as in the real world, the higher levels may not realize exist. I'd like to think I am approachable. I realize this is a different strategy than many other wizards, but that is my unique contribution to my mountain (that or too many management classes in college).To your Magenta peers?
I feel it is imperitive to have good communication with my fellow magenta peers, and that we are willing to discuss, hash out, and compromise on issues we may not all agree on, so we come up what is best for the mountain. Maybe I am alone on this, as well, but I don't think it is good if one is afraid to speak their mind intelligently to those that s/he works with to make a mountain the best it can be, just as it is in business.You're part of a rather large climbing group. How competitive are you, and how do you moderate this with your desire to play on a large team?
I'm not really that competitive, climbing comes last for me, although I will admit I like to at least contribute to the management of a mountain. I don't need to be on top. I really enjoy the people and management aspect of the game most. The people in my climbing group are there because either I, or one of the other members of my group, enjoy the conversation the wizard brings to the mountain or ether.What would you change about Pyroto if you could?
I just wish the message boards grouped messages that were replies to one another to ease in the reading of messages. With this slow, outdated, and almost useless computer of mine, it would really help if they were all grouped together!Do you see yourself staying on Restlech?
As long as we can maintain free speech on Restlech and wizards are able to speak their minds, I will stay there. Wizards must realize, though, that some players respond to controversial messages with means other than words for purely personal reasons. While this is generally not my philosophy (unless there is vulgar material), I respect that other wizards play differently than I do. We are all individuals and the game means different things to each wizard. There is nothing wrong with that.Admin Notes
As before, if you'd like to contribute a news item, a commentary or even a regular column to TPO, please send a contact message to Ninjalicious so we can talk it over. I'm especially eager to recruit some wizards from Broppsfar, Paz Clafi and Iard Crimleu so this newsletter doesn't wind up being too focussed on central Pyrotoland.
Oh, and if any mathematically-inclined cartographers want to take a crack at mapping out the mountains, I'll be happy to help.
P.S. Back issues of TPO are now stored online. Relive the memories."Pyroto" and a bunch of other words here are trademarks of Pyroto, Inc.