The Pyroto Observer an entirely unofficial take on current events in the land of Pyroto

Pyrotian Cracked!
After months of agonized searching, begun by Saltire and Marauder, and later pursued by dozens of wizards across the land, the language/code known as Pyrotian has finally been unpuzzled!
       On 5692, Duckfoilgreeted the participants in the Pyrotese ether channel with the following announcement: "E wofi hambilvur mihs! E wofi glolkit Pyrotian! I have wonderful news! I have cracked Pyrotian!"
       While project organizer Saltire, Rosetta-stone-discoverer Duckfoil and translator extraordinaire Versifex are all humble enough to hand away as much of the credit as they can, TPO would like stress that this is probably the single greatest accomplishment in the entire history of the game, and one which will add new depth to our understanding of the nature of Pyroto. TPO spoke with Duckfoil and Versifex about their discoveries.
Can you tell me anything more about the process by which you managed to translate the language?
Before I even started, there were several things in place that allowed me to crack the code. First and foremost is the encouragement and friendliness of my fellow Broppsfarian wizards (you know who you guys and gals are). If they had made the game boring on my mountain, I probably would not have taken the interest I have in this game. The next big aid was wizard Saltire, and all of his research contributors. His collection of mountain names, mentor names, and hints from The Inventor Mage is very thorough. Finally, the efforts of all the wizards who positively contributed ideas, speculations, and ponderings. I found aid in the Geography of the Land Ether Channel, the Pyrotese Ether Channel, and through The Pyroto Observer.
        The first thing that I realized, which had been an ongoing theory by some wizards, is that Pyrotian words were way too pronounceable. This meant that word construction was deliberate, indicating some kind of replacement algorithm. I tried decrypting the first poem in a variety of methods. I tried single letter replacement. I tried recording me saying it aloud and playing it backwards, slow, and fast. It was getting me nowhere.
        TIM wrote his second poem. Researchers also had three geographical words: bemi, pou, and clafi. TIM's hints allowed someone to figure that pou translates to bay, and me to figure bemi translated to pine, and clafi translated to grove. I now had a good letter base to start from.
        With this base, I slowly worked through the poems. Progress was very slow. On the morning of 5692, I had the biggest breakthrough. The hardest part was figuring out the multiple letter combinations. When bigger words came together, they came easier. I started focusing on mountains and mentor names. When they started to make sense, I knew I was close. I was ecstatic when I decoded TIM's first poem, which is a confirmation message.
        End translation is still going on. There are a few inconsistancies to be worked out, a few special rules, and a few unknown combinations of letters. Wizard Versifex has been working diligently since I published my "Rosetta Stone" post, and working out a lot of kinks.

Do you have linguistic training, or are you just a natural at codebreaking?
I guess in certain respects I had training. I hold a position on the Editorial Board of my college newspaper. I write for the paper and poetry for my personal pleasure. I took three years of Spanish in High School. I like to talk. Those could all help me with linguistics. TSOTL likes almost all of my posts. Maybe being a Computer Science major helped with the whole code part. Programming requires a knowledge of decoding to debug anything.

I understand that you and Versifex disagree on a few things about Pyrotese -- is this so?
It's two things, right now, that we disagree on. The first is whether Pyrotese is a language. I believe it is so, and to my knowledge Tim does, too, but you'd have to ask Tim on that one. Versifex believes it is merely a code. The question is a philosophical one, at best. I was truly disappointed that Versifex took it personally. The second is him attempting to take credit for the idea that placement in the word affects translation. I did not figure out all of the letter combinations, true, but I was the first to express the underlying concepts of it. If anyone should take credit for that other than me, it would be Cayne, or the wizards who posted in the Pyrotese Ether before I posted the crack.

So, is the mystery now solved?
This is a big step for all wizards in the realm. It was a challenge for us all. We conquered it together. However, this is only one challenge of many ahead of us. There are wizards out there exploring the land, another huge challenge, one much bigger than cracking a code. Though, perhaps the knowledge of Pyrotian will aid in their travel.

So much for Duckfoil. Next, TPO spoke with Versifex, who's decoding efforts have been extremely impressive.

When and why did you get involved in the translating effort?
Before we get started, Versifex would like to completely credit Saltire and Duckfoil with the continuing success of this project. Without the massive amount of mentor and mountain names collected by Saltire, our ability to further understand Pyrotese would be seriously hindered. And of course without the Rosetta Stone provided by Duckfoil's perseverence and insight, we would likely have nothing. In comparison, Versifex is but a flea sucking at their blood.
        To answer your question, Versifex had been following the thread in the Geography of the Land Ether channel for some time, albeit without participating. His first involvement came in response to Duckfoil's announcement in the Pyrotese Ether that the code had been cracked. Versifex spent that morning, lunch, evening and all the following night applying Duckfoil's key, and posting his own findings. As to why Versifex got involved, it seemed a natural extension of what Pyroto represents - a voyage of discovery.

Do you have any background in linguistics or codebreaking?
While Versifex considers himself an amateur linguist, he has no professional or degreed background in either. He is a software developer by trade, and thereby versed in many arts and sciences. Of note is Versifex's long romance with computer-generated natural language, begun as a teen by programming a TRS-80 to spit out random poetry. He progressed from there to sentence-templates on the Commodore 64, to a Visual Basic program that used concepts introduced by Noam Chomsky in his text "Syntactic Structures" (concepts that were developed into what is now known as "Transformational Grammar"). Interestingly enough, perhaps, this program was called Versifex, coined from the Latin meaning "poetry maker".

Why do you prefer the name Impresk?
Impresk is the name Versifex suggested as a substitute for Pyrotese, because this thing we're translating is not truly a language - it's a cryptographic system - and the suffix "ese" implies a language or a people. Anyway, Impresk was Versifex's first attempt to translate the word "English" into Pyrotese. That attempt was based on Duckfoil's incorrect translation of "skah" into "show" instead of "flow". So "sk" would correspond to a leading "fl", not "sh" - which leaves us without a substitute for "sh" at the moment.

Do you find it's easier to go from Impresk to English than vice-versa?
Depends on the words. At this point, the tables and research are slanted towards Pyrotese to English, so barring names like "Famammaedexju" (which translates with the current learning to "Vonoddietizky"), going from Pyrotese is easier.

How does your Java applet work?
Very well, thank you!
        Sorry. Versifex was reminded of your question by that posed to the Star Trek technical advisors by members of the scientific community. To wit, "How does your Heisenburg Compensator work?"
        At this point the program is very primitive: accepting a string of Pyrotese, and spitting out the corresponding English. But the program is not sophisticated enough yet to recognize where it is in the words it's translating, so "Broppsfar" comes out "Platts(v/ll)ille". This cryptographic system we call Pyrotese is context-sensitive, so that the letter "F" at the beginning or middle of a word corresponds to the letter "V", but an "F" at the end of a word corresponds to "LL". So the program needs to be coded to recognize where it is, and to what it must translate given its position. What the program does do is keep a hashtable of pairs, where it tries to find an ever-narrowing set of characters from the input string, until it gets a hit. It then appends the hashtable's corresponding string to the output string, moves to the characters following the just-translated characters, and continues until done.

When will you make it publically available? Do you know where yet?
Versifex should be able to make the program available this weekend (5695 or 5696). He had hoped to attract the attention of Saltire and get him to put it up on his site, but he's obviously not read the goings-on in the Pyrotese Ether yet.

What have been some of the most interesting/revealing names you've translated so far?
Well, there's three mentors named after members of Monty Python, Terry Jones (Diddu Kamis), Eric Idle (Ileg Etri) and Michael Palin (Nethoir Borem). No one's reported getting the inquisition from John Cleese (Kawm Groosi), Terry Gilliam (Dinnu Ceffean) or Graham Chapman (Clowon Thobnam), but Versifex has reason to believe they're out there.
        Turns out the Inventor Mage, Timothy Campbell, is the writer of the scrolls known to us as Denachu Gochelpif. This translation contains a particularly tricky pair - "chel" corresponds to "mp".
        Otherwise, the following famous names are present among the mentor staff: Elton John (Irdam Kawm), David Letterman (Tofet Rippislom), Robert Plant (Lapilt Bromp), Galileo Galilei (Coreriu Corerie) and Mahatma Ghandi (Nowodno Cwoste).

What translations have revealed new information about the geography of the land?
What Versifex believes is revealing is the fact that Tim, Servant of TSOTL made a point of asking Saltirex about the survey data for Nettrivaerb, a name which translates to Middlefield. There is also a mountain called Dabsvaerb, which translates to Topsfield. With what I've discovered thus far about the language, cross-referencing with what Tim has posted, Versifex doesn't believe Tim asked these questions innocently, and thinks they will be significant when the shape of this universe is determined.

What translations have revealed new information about the nature of the game?
The translation of the mountain names has been interesting in this respect, because many correspond to real places, e.g., Grolinamp (Claremont), Aijroda (Oakland), Alompi (Orange), Appoho (Ottawa), Azvast (Oxford), Nind Goslir (Mount Carmel), and Shema Foffiu (Chino Valley). Versifex wonders if these names are acquired during the sanctification process, and assigned a location in the underlying database. He was going to keep this to himself, but the thought of the mass migration that might occur as a result tickles him enough to spill it: Versifex wonders further if a reward (perhaps the winning of the game?) is to be had for climbing the mountain that has the same name as the city name one input during sanctification. That is, is the object to get home?

The Standings
Pyroto. FFTobago and Ninjalicious still have the mountain's pinnacle to themselves, but Munch, Fionn Mac Cumhail, Thargor, the DigitalMan/Nighty/Turin climbing team, Buggy, and JadeMage are up and coming. Jimbo and Noodle Dwarf are unactive Magentas on their way down, along with their Indigo partner Zelda. Indigoes on the rise include Persephone, Bison, Jan, Hedwig, Darkfox, Kwani, and N_Pickle.
       Imaz. Though Mr.Gene has dropped out, Imaz still has no shortage of Magentas. At the tippy-top are AmbushBug, AvylaJewelSynda, Mr.Paul, Punky, Robyn, Squawkk, Ye Old Cranky Monk Dil (Dilerium), and Ye Old Dancing Soul (Souldance); they are trailed at a distance by Elgjeff, Jacee, Polaris1, Saltire, Smallkat, Modaddy, AceWebster, Annabelle, Breckinshire, Danielle1, Dawnfire, Iksniper, Kikenbak, Kwil, Lady Freya~COMA, Nibsy, Sangiovese1, Thurin, and Zak. Imaz's Indigoes are Cygnals, Cjilgott, JulianBaynes, Philo, Xylviah, Questor, Pegasuss, Saphire1, Denizen, Olentzero, Lilithena , and Slumber.
       Restlech. After its latest cataclysm and subsequent dust-settling, Restlech's rankers are Harlequin, Sethari, Loren_Silvercloak, Tandyman, Havok, Isabell, Rooster7, and daMuppet. Restlech's Indigoes include Thalamus, Panzermaus, Prince Of Thieves, Banaque, Kornbread420, NILREM, Tempest, MistyPlum, Genitalia, Miehele, Angel123, Draccon, and Keltica.
       Broppsfar. After the recent mass emigration of its largest group of Magentas, Broppsfar's remaining rankers consist of the LMAO team (Amsha, BigHairedTelevangelist, Laffsman, and Magenta Lizard), with other Magentas including Eij, Zeno, JBlaster, Joop, Imbrium, Kiera, Rickalicious, Copious, and Ljdarten. Indigoes include Cowboy Bebop, Duckfoil, Ssiren, Bubba, ScourceLight, Hoffman, Larkspur, DoctorWho, Ghola, Wan_fam, Gwynnifer, Gorob, MrEkitten, Whizzer, Sark, IAmAVerb, Arcturus, ecoliguy, Mabo, and Okadan.
       Paz Clafi. As mentioned briefly last issue, Paz Clafi has passed Restlech and Broppsfar and followed Pyroto and Imaz to become the third mountain to enter the Pinnacle era. Bricker Prime, Falc, Jart, Rhiannon, and SuezQz are at the the peak, with Lou, UPSman, MtnMan, and Sehkmet (Ghost_of_Mingus) very close behind. Other Magentas include Corrado, BigRoryG, DejUhlVek, Soulrift, and Harrimaniac. Vivamus, SadSack, BillyHack, Arterio, Subotai, CampGrrrl, MsMittens, Rainmonger, Stitches, Bugman, Phronk, Atrael, Bacchus, Versifex, Rajabu, Blacknight1, Crabbymom, Delvis, Hemiola, Jhenderkott, JeannieEatsZucchini, and Maya constitute the Indigo band.
       Iard Crimleu. Since the mass immigration of the Magenta Chicks, Iard Crimleu has become much more populous. Chameleon, A Cappellican, Clare, Prospero, YT TIGER, Myriad, Prometheus119, Syrdarya, Zanzeeb, Galahadriel, and Mr.Moonlight populate the Magenta band; Stamback, Vidiot (the highest-level native), Brinn, Snowflake, Koyn, Decadence, GurnB, Daisyboo, Ellemir, Kestra, Llewelyn, and SixthRhyme comprise the Indigoes.
       Smihosdahm Smodira. Ezobei is still at the top of the mountain he pioneered, though he now shares level 250 with Psycho_Mage and Dark_Shadow; vacationing fellow member of the Smihosdahm Smodira Scaling Society SunTzu is a little further behind. The non-allied wizards on the mountain, such as Vanyel and Adelnaws, are having a tougher time of things.
       Ri Shoo. Jewel_of_the_Nile is the unquestioned ranker and sole Indigo, with wizards Obliquity1, Diecide, Synergy, Spoof King, and Arganon far below.
       Sosopi. The political experiment begun by Broppsfarian emigrants Marauder and myrkjarten appears to be over: both wizards have stopped playing, leaving little behind to guide newcomers but a large stack of rules and examples of how to post garbage for esteem. Krimin (also not playing) and Lilyl are the two highest remaining Sosopians.
       Rumo. The far-off mountain of Rumo, twin mountain to Iffirlili, has apparently been colonized by part of Broppsfar's Vernerable Masters of Sorcery climbing team (BobTheWonderChicken, Hobo and Ultimate) -- no reports have been forthcoming so far and details are sketchy. sorry.

Who's Zoomin' Who? by Sherriff Venus and Serena Williams
Seemingly one of Pyroto's most harmless and benevolent spells, Promote is actually one of the most political spells in game. Promote has been used to drastically alter power structures. It is the source of the phenomenon known as "level inflation". Surprisingly, Promote has even been cast in personal, albeit symbolic, attacks on individual wizards.
       Some mountains place tight restrictions on promotions, while others hand them out like cookies to children. Where does your mountain fit in? Who are the major promoters and promotees throughout the realm?
       Fortunately for you, Sheriff Venus and Serena Williams has dusted off his trusty Pyroto Statisticulator (data here), and is going to give you the low down on the pull ups.
       Without a doubt, those looking for a hand up should consider a trip to Paz Clafi. If you're lucky, you might be the recipient of some of the 115 levels that are typically handed out each day.
       Restlech is another mountain where climbing is based more on who you know than what you know. Wizards on Restlech are on average hoisted 105 levels daily.
       Broppsfar and Imaz exhibit more moderate use of the Promote spell, averaging about 67 and 60 casts per day.
       Baby mountains Ri Shoo and Smihosdahm Smodira show a surprising amount of activity considering their small numbers. The sounds of promotion can clearly be heard about 41 times a day on Ri Shoo, and 26 times on Smihosdahm Smodira.
       The most stingy mountains in the realm are Pyroto and Iard Crimleu. Pyroto's tough stance on the spell means you're only likely to see about 32 promotions on any given day. Iard Crimleu is even quieter at a mere 19 promotions a day.
       Regardless of what mountain you live on, you may want to consider contacting any of the following wizards if you're looking for a few cheap levels (numbers in parentheses indicate promotions given in the past month or so): Bricker Prime (1,190), Soulrift (850), daMuppet (534), Sethari (513), SuezQz (410), UPSman (356).
       The following wizards have shown they have a knack for receiving promotions, and might be able to give you some tips on how to score free levels (numbers in parentheses indicate promotions received in the past month or so): Soulrift (570), Havok (490), Falc (384), Tandyman (378), Miehele (338), Thalamus (287), Thargor (232).
       NEXT ISSUE: The dreaded Drain... on which mountains should you be keeping an eye on your manna purse?

Pyroto Travel Agency by Tandyman
What better use of the visit spell than vacations? Recently a band of travellers formed the Pyroto Travel Agency and have taken to vacationing on the slopes of random mountains for a day.
       The newest rage of those in the know throughout the realm started after a silly comment by Munch. The mountain of Imaz tried and fail miserably on their first attempt. The first trip which included Restlech and Pyroto put nary a dent on the message bands of those two mountains. The idea caught the eye of Tandyman who decided to gather Restlech on such a trip to Paz Clafi. When Restlech and Imaz joined forces the current form of vacationing began.
       The second trip was a raid on Paz Clafi's bands and initially included such topics as cheese and microwaves. However those cleaver Pezzer's got the drop on the vacationers and started a message thread on those topics. Not to be outdone, the vacationers afternoon trip carried on the conversation to include cheese gang wars with members named Maria and odes to cotton candy. The night shift turned up the juice a bit with porn posts, a search for Gene, and outhouses.
       Subotai called the trip "a hoot" and went on to say, "You are all welcome to visit Paz Clafi."
       The third and most popular trip to date went to the slops of Iard Crimleu. There the vacationers were greeted with semi-flat Coke and Velvetta's Chili dip. There the discussion ranged from zombies (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic), the train ride over to Iard, the ickys (who were not all that icky), and Tandyman's dead on impersonation of Ye Old Dancing Soul. Also of note was the backwards poem and mooning from Prince of Thieves. The evening trip consisted mainly of a revival of Three's Company, with the vacationer's doing their best impressions of the cast of characters. Kudos to Isabell for her Chrissy!
       The Pyroto Travel Agency has set up shop on the ether and has declared that any wizard is free to join them on their crazy exploits. The vacationers have so far consisted of Annabelle, Banaque, Isabell, Loren_Silvercloak, Polaris1, Prince of Thieves, Saltire, Ye Old Dancing Soul, and Tandyman. Munch who has been credited with creating the vacations has been noticeably absent from all vacationing events. For shame!

Miss Manna
Dear Miss Manna,
Lately I have been thinking fondly on the times back in University that my chums and I would wander about town, crashing parties. My homies and I would set ourselves up in the main room of whoever's house, get really wasted, take control of the stereo and talk real loud until everyone else gave up and went to another party. Then we could drink all their beer and look through their rooms. I was longing for the good old days when I realized I could do the same thing on Pyroto! If I got together a group of wizards, we could go mountain to mountain amusing ourselves with hi-larious realtime conversations, and, ideally, flood all the real conversations off the bases of that mountain. I bet everyone would think we were really funny. What do you think?
Clownin' on Cloomposh

Gentle Wizard,
While Miss Manna appreciates that this is a better idea for livening up mountain life than, say, going to war, she still wonders whether or not your joint creative forces might be better served joining large conversations among people you don't know, rather than replacing them? Mountain, and personal, relations would undoubtedly be better served if they were introduced to you and your friends by way of your sparkling wit and gestures of good-will, rather than by your collective boorishness.

Souldance invites you to a satirical look at Pyroto

The Geographers of the Land need your Mentor names and Survey data. Visit the Geography of the Land ether or the website at www.geocities.com/ xsaltire

Spazz invites you to visit The Pyroto Realm www.geocities.com/ flyingcow2013

Psst... want an ad, cheap? Contact or e-mail Ninjalicious and we can work something out.

Admin Notes
Thanks to all those who submitted articles and info, and also to Duckfoil, Versifex, Synergy, Psycho_Mage, and Ultimate, for their help with this installment. Please do consider submitting articles about your mountain to Ninjalicious, as I really can't keep up with the whole Land, as much as I'd like to.
       P.S. Interested parties can access older issues of TPO here.

"Pyroto" and a bunch of other words here are trademarks of Pyroto, Inc.

Back to main