O ye helpless innocent little deaf-mute, How your self-adhesive qualities sadden me. The way your right eye stares constantly at your left And your left eye gazes incessantly into your right.
I want to love you, oh coveted deaf-mute, But it's obvious you have no room in your heart For anybody but yourself.
The way you protect your own head With that gleaming white hockey helmet all the time Just sickens me with jealousy. How can you be so self-centred, oh my beloved deaf-mute?
You can often be heard speaking to yourself In a mumbled, nonsensical language understandable only to you. Don't you think it arrogant Never to respond to any of my questions, Oh my little ball of conceited, studly manhood?
The way you drool with that tongue of much sexiness Drives me up one wall and down the other. I play with plastic penguins until my bum explodes. Pelt me with golden iguanas. It's a deaf-mute extravaganza. I wanna be deaf too, and rip out my vocal chords, For I love you anyway, Pancreas.