Once in my childhood, there was this thing that followed me around. Now, what exactly it was I cannot be sure of, as I never actually saw it, but I liked to think it was a huge disembodied head that couldn't smile. But that was only once, and in my childhood, so there's no point in telling you about it.
If it was a huge disembodied head, I'm sure someone would have seen it. That's not a common thing. You'd remember seeing a disembodied head. I know I would. I know. I KNOW
The other kids all had huge disembodied heads who couldn't smile following them around every day. They'd follow them up the slide and catch them at the bottom and even push the other kids when they got on the swings. I remember looking on with burning jealously wishing for a huge disembodied head of my own, to follow me and care for me, but no. Mom said she couldn't feed one, which was a lie because I followed her once and saw her being a waitress at the Disembodied Head Trough. I cried that night.
It wasn't a sad cry, no, it was the cry of the boy with no disembodied head of his own. It was more of a "I want my disembodied head.. NOW" kind of weeping. So maybe it was sad. Fuck.
I don't want you to think I follow my mom around a lot, but I also followed her to Pakistan, and to the Disembodied Head Festival held there. Then, off to the arctic, for a Disembodied Head Exploration/Nature walk. I knew from that point on, if we ever did get a disembodied head, mom would keep it all to herself. I hated her for that, for a long time. For time. Lots of it. LONG AMOUNTS. Then I forgave her. Cause she was DEAD ha ha ha
It wasn't too long after mom's funeral that I started to have the doubts. First, I was at a soccer game, and suddenly it was my turn to kick. I looked at the ball and went to raise my leg in the kick position when I realized that there was no leg. I decided, hey, no problem, I can use any part of my body except my hands. So I went to use my elbows - only there were none. My stomach seemed absent, as did the rest of my torso and body. I quickly called a timeout and ran to the mirror, and only then did I realize that I was not my mom's son, but her disembodied head.
AT LAST!!!!