Olver Jones was not a nice man.
The sad thing is that he really didn't want this label. He honestly doesn't believe he is what he is, which is, not nice. This makes this story somewhat of a tragedy.
But now you are surely asking yourself "Why was Oliver Jones not a nice man?" It was not that he was nasty or mean or cruel or greedy or anything of that sort.
Oliver Jones had a theory. Oliver Jones theory could almost be considered a religion; it is to him.
His religion was not complicated at all. It only had two ideas. This is why Oliver Jones is not a nice man.
He always had these two thoughts on his mind. In conversation, he only spoke of them and nothing else. If you have any questions concerning these two ideas, Oliver Jones is the man to see.
Both of his ideas on life had to do with defecation. Isn't that nice?
Here are the two ideas, here are the two Oliver-Jonesisms. Number One: Never defecate anywhere except in your own washroom and if your house has more than one washroom, only defecate in your favorite one.
Number Two: Promote regularity as much as possible.
Oliver Jones believed, he honestly did believe that upon judgment day, only those who were true to promoting reularity would rise from the grave and seek heaven, and once there, regularity would be promoted as much as possible. Regularity would be the one thing that would be done in heaven.
It all seemed so obvious to Oliver Jones.
Oliver Jones didn't get out much.