Kelly was a small piece of asphalt. All the other inanimate objects made fun of Kelly because he had a girl's name. Whenever an inanimate object mocked Kelly in front of all the other inanimate objects, Kelly would try to reply that inanimate objects are sexless, so it was somewhat inane to make fun of one for having a girl's name. But since Kelly was inanimate, he couldn't talk. He then tried to use this as a defence, saying, How could you possibly be mocking me? You can't talk. But, being inanimate, Kelly couldn't think, either. If Kelly's complete mass were converted to energy, he would be powerful enough to destroy the entire planet. Perhaps the galaxy. It would be glorious, to get back at this harsh Universe by taking out such a huge chunk of it. Kelly giggled at the thought of the startled looks on the faces of all his animate "friends" as his little asphalt body exploded into huge bursts of lightening, destroying them all. Unfortuneately, Kelly was inanimate, and so he couldn't understand physics, be bitter, giggle or explode. In fact, this whole paragraph is complete and utter crap. I just can't keep this illusion up any longer.
Someone kicked Kelly. He wanted to just go and go. Away from this planet. He wanted his inertia to carry him away from this rotten life. Unfortuneately, Kelly's gravity attracted him to the ground. He hit the ground several times, and the friction, combined with the air resistance, brought him to a halt. "Fuck" said Kelly. It was a common proverb amoung inanimates.