"Nice environmental hazard, dude," I yelped.
"Yeah yeah, you and what biftech," came the reply.
"The one on your 'shoulder' there pal," I mourned.
Well, you see, I was in a dark pit. I had been in a dark pit all my life. It was moist aswell. I think there were snakes. There were some snakes too, but they were lesbian snakes, so not to worry. There was someone at the top of the pit, who liked to torment me and stuff. I had learned English by the way he constantly insulted and mocked me. Y'know.. "Ha ha.. you're in a pit, I'm up here."
I didn't really understand any language at all, so I just constantly tried to bluff it. Y'know, I attempted to look like I wasn't a moron. But I was, I really was... which you can't blame me for, since I lived my entire life in a dark, moist pit with lesbian snakes. I bet my life would make a good novel. It would translate well to the screen aswell. I have no idea why I was in the pit, really. Don't even have any possible theories. It was a shame though. If only I could formulate ideas of any sort. Oh well. "Dumb pit," I recall saying on many an occaision. I also kicked the side of the pit once in awhile.
Then one day they look me out of the pit and shot me. I died. Yes, I'm a dead person who is writing this. Maybe.