It was a dark and stormy night. Dark and stormy? It sounded like something out a of a cheap paperback novel. But I just tell it like it is. The thunder cracked louder than my two friends. My two friends - Smith and Wesson. I was a dick. A private dick. An eye for hire. And I was good. Damn good.
It was just another ordinary day. My cases were closed and so were my eyes. I guess I must of dozed off for a minute because I didn't hear the knock at my door. What I did hear, was the sound of nails clicking on my desk. With the speed of a cat I went for my holster. Lucky for the dame in front of me, my other friend came to my aid. My other friend - Jack Daniels.
"Want a drink?" I asked.
"What I want, is your help," she said.
She needed me. It was a typical problem that dames had. But I had a soft spot. So I did her a favour.
"Sure! I could really use the work, I'll take it!" I was calm and cool. I had a lot to do, and wasn't sure her case was my type.
"Whatever you pay me is fine, just let me have the job!"
She knew I was a tough customer, but she broke under my pressure. "I'll pay you if I'm satisfied. I need you to find my poodle - Jilly."
It was going to be a hard case, that was for sure. I demanded payment up front. "Umm, do you think you could give me an advance? I'm a little short on rent this month..." Knowing she was dealing with the best, she was careful not to upset me.
"No."
I decided to let her off the hook. After all, I didn't even know if she had the money. She looked hard up. Sometimes I have a soft spot for dames. It goes with the territory. "Ok, sorry for asking. So wait a sec.. a poodle is the funny hair-do kind of dog, right?"
I got right down to business. I knew the facts of the case almost before she gave them to me. I was a professional, and it showed.
"Is there somewhere I can put my fur?" she asked. "It is really hot and stuffy in this tiny office."
She started to get comfortable. I wasn't sure if she was here for my body or my talents. Another typical problem I had with dames. They always fall for me. It must be the title. I told her I didn't want any of that, and she had better stay on task if she wanted my help.
"You better not, the rats might nibble on it. A description of your dog is all I really need, then you can get yourself home."
She was disappointed. "The sooner the better. This place is a pigstye and you stink. Unfortunately none of the real detectives would take my case. Here's a picture of my Jilly."
After trying one last time to soften me up, she relented and gave me the information she had. I told her I'd get right on the case. It was a case that obviously no one else could do. I told her to expect quick results. "I'll try and find your dog within a few days.. maybe a week," I said.
She urged me to hurry. "Have Jilly home by tomorrow morning or forget getting paid."
Again the subject of payment came up. I assured her not to worry about it. Like I said, I have a soft spot for dames. Now it was time for work. The dame left. I was glad. If she stayed any longer, it may have become more than a working relationship. I try to avoid that. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it. I'm someone. I always have been.
Before I started the case, I decided to visit Jack Daniels again. He was a good friend of mine and I liked to be with him as much as possible. It turns out we spent the night together. Nothing kinky, just a couple of good friends. We were like to peas in a pod. Except I lived in my office and he lived in a bottle. It was a perfect relationship.
I looked at the clock. It was already noon. The phone was ringing. With this as my only clue, I figured out why I was awake so early. I picked up the receiver and gave my greeting.
"Well, where's Jilly?" the voice on the other end asked. It was a simple question. It required a simple answer. But not from me.
"I think you have the wrong number, lady." A wrong number. A simple problem that could be handled easily, by an expert like me. I hung up the phone.
It was another day. Another day for a private eye like me. Already I had a case. I had to find out who drugged me. For some reason my memory of the previous night was blurry. I most have got some important information that had to be kept from me at all costs. Perhaps I had been working on a case. I didn't know. But it didn't worry me. Why? Because I'm good. I'm damn good.