"Did I say Hell? I meant 'some nice place'." - Jesus, surrounded by heathens with sharp things
"Two crowns says you can't hit his penis from here!" - children with rocks, near a crucified Jesus
"Ow! Fuck! Hit me again and you're going to Hell. I mean it this time." - Jesus, addressing children with rocks
"I didn't realize I'd nailed Jesus to the catapult until those crazy kids launched him..." - That rookie Roman on his first crucifixion
"Ugh... Ugh... Ugh... (rip) Ow! FUCK!" - Jesus, attempting to use "The Clapper"
"I just flew in from Jerusalem, and boy are my arms tired... fucking tired." - Jesus, the crucified stand-up comedian
"Ding ding ding" - Jesus, pretending to be a railway crossing gate
"Just wait till they get to Buddha, then we'll see something funny!" - Jesus, snickering amongst the other crucified messiahs
"Psst! Psst! Wanna go to Heaven? Just get me down..." - Jesus, crucified
"Ow." - Jesus, on the Cross
"Oh ya? Well my dad can damn your dad to eternal torment." - Jesus, as a boy
"OK, guys, lemme down. I was only kidding." - Jesus, on the cross
"I'm itchy." - Jesus, on the cross.
"Figs are weird." - Maelstrom
"When the moon hits your eyes, hit it back.. harder." - Rubanicas
"Lead, follow or have a face." - Nitro
"Moo." - Ancient cow proverb
"Toast makes the world go round." - Mam'zelle Hepzibah
"Love is like a lamp emersed in boiling lava." - The Finn
"If you sit anywhere long enough, you'll die." - The Sphyramid
"If I had a hammer, I would NOT hammer all day long. What do I look like? Some kinda fuckin' psycho?" - The Finn
"Fish = salad Glass = Water + Sand Paper = Nazi - Asia / Line, therefore, cheebah is God." - The Finn
"Oh sure. Like cheeze has a choice." - Xenomorph
"Life in a small barrel can be entertaining, sometimes." - Strandman
"I don't talk out of my neck... I'm not one of THOSE!" - The Finn
"You're pretty white, for a black man." - Milky Puppy
"What? I can't hear you. You were talking." - Persephone
"If they torture people, they should get them drunk first, that way they won't feel as much." - The Finn
"I could do better with a hairdryer and a slab of whale blubber." - Milky Puppy
"Corn's yellow and not gray." - Milky Puppy
"Good thing it's not high fashion to cut off your legs, otherwise no-one would ever get anywhere." - The Finn
"Life is like gum. Once all the flavour has gone out of it, it's only fun to play with." - Milky Puppy
"My friend's name is Taxi.. we call him Taxi cuz.. well, look at him." - Persephone
"Jesus needed a better lawyer." - Milky Puppy
"If the world were really the size of a globe or a map, it's be pretty damn small... Only one person would fit, so I'd have to knock you all off. Nothing personal." - The Finn
"Windows are just our imagination. There's really nothing there." - The Finn
"Where would we be without wood?" - The Finn
"With a knife, ANYTHING is possible." - The Finn
"Jello. Need I say more?" - Xenomorph
"...I'll meet you in Asia in five minutes" - Milky Puppy
"If it's not a Panther, then I don't want to fuck it." - The Necromancer
"Honestly Officer, I didn't know she was 8. I thought she was 4." - The Necromancer
"Fun with Genetics: 100 Things to do with your Mother" - Strandman
Toast is what makes a man - not some silly "Breeding." - Xenomorph
"If Jesus wasn't crusified, t would be just another letter of the alphabet..." - The Finn
"Procreation starts with heated liver and some naughty magazines." - Totenbuch Christ
"I'm 'exploring' myself right now. Hey, what's this?" - Totenbuch Christ
"It's sort of like a goat, only different." - Totenbuch Christ
"I am luging down the bridge of my nose." - Cold
"If I was proud of something, I wouldn't shave it off. For example, my penis." - The Finn
Don't angle your turtles: they shall not wait for the bus. (Mammoth) - Dronon Brassmane
Please pet the fruit. You are being watched. - Dronon Brassmane
Why aren't there llama-flavoured dry soups? - Dios Nyse
One man's destiny is another man's furtive love rake. - Dronon Brassmane
Smitten: The condition of... hey, what's that? - Milky Puppy
"All you can eat, but you'll be dead." - Dronon Brassmane
"If only the world was inflatable, opaque, and crunchy." - Dronon Brassmane
"Tap tap tap," said the dog. - Dronon Brassmane
If mammals needed bones, they'd have bones. - Milky Puppy
Rickets is a funny disease when you think about it. - Goatface
Nixon backwards is noxin. think about it, that's all i ask. - Goatface
Saw my bum today, found it mighty sexy indeed. is that wronG? - Goatface
Lionism. - Milky Puppy
Kill kill kill ki... what, Mom? - Xenomorph
The taste of uncooked flesh. Blood drooling out. Goats. This is SEX! - Xenomorph
WHITE MICE? - Milky Puppy
Sure I'm rabid, but should that prevent me from getting a decent job? - Milky Puppy
Cutting ma Faice off in the shower cuz its naughty. - Persephone
Windows are but well-lamenated air. - Milky Puppy
Imagine me in tin foil. Ok stop now. That was fun, wasn't it? - Corn Syrup
I bet you're all thinking the same thing. "Urinal." - DragonLord
What color is an Orange when it's not? - Captain Bant
Margarine is plenty sexy. - Goatface
Imagine if shingles were made of human flesh. - Goatface
Look out!! ARGH, falling wheat!! - Thanatos Jones
Ma faice is doing nothing but screaming about the shape of the crucifix. - Persephone
I'm not a mass murderer, I'm trying to discover a new blood type. - Milky Puppy
"Give me $6.34 and I'll build you Utopia!" - Totenbuch Christ
"I don't know about you, but the statue of Liberty is looking kind of hot." - Totenbuch Christ
"Like two frogs: You suck." - Totenbuch Christ
"There should be a law against crazy ducks." - Totenbuch Christ's theory of life
"Dead children from here to Utopia and back!" - Totenbuch Christ
"I saw Athena in the clouds today; what a babe; what a spear!" - Totenbuch Christ
"What's that in the ketchup? Wait! Is that your penis?" - Totenbuch Christ
"Let's create. Let's make art. Let's have some cereal." - The Necromancer
"Sorry officer, how am I to know she's only 8?" - Totenbuch Christ
"It's kind of like doing your mother." - Totenbuch Christ
"I'll meet you at Islington in five minutes." - Totenbuch Christ
"So Nietzche and this chicken are playing tennis, when the chicken says..." - Totenbuch Christ
"All I need is a Big Mac, lots of Masterbation and a copy of 'Desert Fox'." - Totenbuch Christ
"How is your labia this evening? It looks nice next to the moon." - Totenbuch Christ
"If you have enough of anything in your mouth, you can always blow a bubble with it." - Golden Rodent
"My hands feel kind of numb.... Hey! Who cut off my arms?" - The Finn
Nirvana is just 1736 paper cuts away. - Stik
Posterity is a fucking long time. - Stik
My chair reminds me of the time when I was in the womb. Except that it doesn't have armrests. - Stik
Oxygen is pretty useless, when you sit and think about it. - Stik
Kangaroos should be the national symbol of my stomach. That way, everyone would know. - Stik
If I could play the piano well, I don't think I'd be an astronaut. - Stik
Sand just WANTS you to think it's granular and harmless. - Stik
I would NOT run around screaming and yelling if my legs fell off. - Stik
Sometimes I wish my homeland would be invaded so I could cry and whine about the good old days. - Stik
On the whole, I'm glad that cork isn't a good example of intelligent life. - Stik
ANYTHING that can be made into a roll should be banned. - Stik
Steel is nothing more than mud, with a good disguise. - Stik
Who was it that said "If you ever find yourself in a tank of acid, run!"? I don't think it could have been the French, so that rules them out. - Stik
In the middle of the night, I often find I have no interest in Czechoslovakian politics. - Stik
In my youth, if someone asked me about urban explosion I would have told him to go wash his neck. But now with new improved NECKLEEN, I don't have to. - Stik
A wise man once told me the meaning of life. I wasn't listening at the time, though. - Stik
There really need to be more songs about stitching. - Stik
Light isn't as dumb as it seems. I mean, sure it goes off in all sorts of directions without knowing what's there first, but really. - Stik
I'd probably feel sorry for people in the sleeve making industry if humans had no arms. - Stik
Put saran wrap in a skimpy maid's outfit, and who knows what can happen. - Stik
Forget everything I said about condiments. I take it all back. - Stik
Furniture is the scourge of mankind. Don't make me explain why. - Stik
Imagine that you are madly in love with me. Ha ha, I don't exist. - Stik
Moss tastes the same as sugar, when you're underwater. - Stik
Words like "banana" and "ornament" have no meaning, here. - Stik
I don't think rulers are supposed to have equally incremented measurements marked out on them, but who am I to argue? - Stik
I would not return my library books if there was a nuclear holocaust and everyone melted. Would you? - Stik
The DOs and DON'Ts of carpet ranching : Use a small wick. - Stik
Let's all secretly switch the names of colours around. I bet we could confuse a lot of blind people that way. - Stik
"I say appliance, you say deportment..." - Stik
Ceilings! Can't live with them, can't live--wait. - Stik
What's that on my leg?! Oh, it's my silly foot again, stop. - Stik
You don't hear much about spines anymore. I guess I should throw mine away. - Stik
The trick is, to ROLE-PLAY your lung. - Stik
If my neck was illegal, I'd probably be unhappy. - Stik
This is nothing more than an opportunity for me to use the word "corduroy" in a provocative manner. Don't be alarmed. - Stik
Y'know, skiing is for people that ski. Much the same as combustion. - Stik
I don't find nitrogen as much fun as I used to. Maybe it's just me. - Stik
If I could think of funny things about sandals, I'd laugh. - Stik
Spring is nice, unless you're a marauding Viking. - Stik
I don't mind breathing, it's all the inhaling and exhaling that gets to me. - Stik
If it wasn't for all these internal organs and blood and stuff, I'd probably weigh a lot less. - Stik
I'd wager being shot is a lot like swimming, but without all the water. - Stik
Remember those transforming toys? I had the coffin one. - Stik
Slowly... slowly... quick! Undermine the western civilization! Quick! - Stik
Just wait until I solidify. Boy, then you'll hear some complaining. - Stik
Allow me to rescue scaffolding from obscurity. Thanks. - Stik
Autopsies aren't that popular now, simply because they've been marketed all wrong. - Stik
If every product manufactured nowadays was made of aluminum, I think I'd return my clothing. - Stik
Gravel is often overlooked, whether it be for an Oscar, a Nobel Prize, or as a replacement for blood. - Stik
Sometimes, for no reason, I have the grim realization that I'm grass. - Stik
They should have told me what "child care" meant before they gave me the axe. - Stik
Is porous when you kill your neighbours? I really hope so, else this will be difficult to explain. - Stik
Too bad only plants can wilt. It looks like fun. - Stik
Felt. I can only dream. - Stik
Flesh is so unpredictable. One year it grows, the next... sorry. - Stik
If concrete and rubber were exactly the same material, we could eliminate one of those silly words. - Stik
I don't recommend setting fire to me. But, I'm biased, I guess. - Stik
If only the Axis powers had a better advertising campaign. - Stik
If I were a spy, I'd kill myself, because no one would suspect a dead guy of spying on them. - Stik
With a running start, even difficult surgery can be made more efficient, and fun! - Stik
With my usual skill, I've reduced your 'furniture' to a simple, non-specific noun. - Stik
I can make allusions about myself in orchards all day long. I just choose not to. - Stik
I've discovered why stamps haven't flourished, as a culture. They're just bits of paper, and some adhesive. - Stik
There's always more felt. ALWAYS - Stik
If I measured success in how much skin I managed to keep per day, today would be... successful. - Stik
Sure, Pakistan is far away. But in my heart, it's right next to Guam, and... Wackypaste! (TM) - Stik
Buying a house is easy. Just wait for coupon day. - Stik
I think I could handle being labelled as blind. I just wouldn't like the not being able to see part. - Stik
Yeah, I can take pain. I just can't stand it when it hurts, that's all. - Stik
I've seen all kinds of walls, but none as pretty as your father. - Stik
If I wasn't encased in water right now, I'd be the next president. - Stik
Right now I could be grazing somewhere. - Stik
I had planned on being a rock, but y'know, things happen. - Stik
Imagine that I was speaking in a repetitious loop. Imagine that I was speaking in a repetitious loop. Imagine... - Stik
Wounded floormats are twice as fierce. Except for that one. Mmmmmmm. - Stik
A person confined by meat may go democratic. I've seen it a thousand times. - Stik
I think I'll take up voodoo. Sounds relaxing enough. - Stik
I am happy and productive now that I have access to that 24 hour propaganda and subliminal channel. Send in money. Be happy and productive. - Stik
People wouldn't like wood that much if they knew where it came from! - Stik
The REAL problem is getting that peanut butter filling into that real milk chocolate planet. - Stik
All it takes for a relationship to work is a bit of nondescript green stuff and a rubber band. - Stik
What sort of comfort are suspension bridges? - Stik
Water is truly for the socially depraved. - Stik
Could anything be as funny as pine cones on the highway? - Stik
Magnets are stupid. Ever try to reason with one? - Stik
The world would be a lot different if telephone poles were horizontal. - Stik
A pylon got a bad rap once, and now look. - Stik
I'm going for the wicker fruit. Cover me. - Stik
Pretend Napolean is your favourite singer. Wow, you're fucked up. - Stik
Ever wonder what government officials really mean when they say "plastic tubing"? - Stik
Hair isn't real. Trust me. - Stik
If we named every nail, every spike, and every tack we have, the world would be a better place. - Stik
Air vents! Of course! - Stik
People who invented words like circumvent really threw caution to the wind. - Stik
I want a calendar. Just so I can rearrange the months and days while screaming "caligraphy!". - Stik
For some reason the word 'pE €ecide' comes to mind. I guess I should purge myself of evil, and badness, and napalm. Maybe later. - Stik
Mirrors are so pointless. Like I really want to see that axe-wielding maniac behind me. - Stik
The human race will always suck, until we can glow at will. - Stik
Mark my words... I like them that way. - Stik
My kingdom for a cordless human. - Stik
Foolish are those that strive to be proficient in concrete gargling. Glue is much better. - Stik
You just wanted his shoes bronzed...? - Stik
It would be neat if you could adopt a country. You could dress it funny and send it to the U.N. for all the other countries to make fun of. - Stik
I know that if I ever disintegrated I would be man enough to ask for help. - Stik
People would never forget what they were about to say if our language had only one word in it. - Stik
Imagine if everything came with a shoulder strap. No more worrying about where to park the car. - Stik
I've been in all sorts of places--except THERE - Stik
If I had a name like Hitler, I'd take the Rhineland nearest me, too. - Stik
If you really try, you can make gravy from ANYTHING. - Stik
Sure, plants may appear to grow in random places or ways, but that's all part of their master plan. - Stik
I'm in any place you can think of. That's right, I'm Matter! (TM) - Stik
The word 'goo' shouldn't convey the naughty idea that it does. Please, let's all make an effort to stop this. - Stik
Being able to see is neat. I recommend it. - Stik
Bleeding sucks. I'd advise against it whenever possible. - Stik
They say lava is pretty hot. But then again, they say lots of things. - Stik
Blue is a lot like yellow, only without any green mixed in. - Stik
I sort of feel sorry for those who still can't escape from Alcatraz. I mean, it's just a dumb deserted island, now. - Stik
Juggling is hard, especially when you have no arms. - Stik
"Imagine something that's blue. If it weren't blue, would it still exist?" - STiK
"Nets would be better if they were small and pointy, and you could put them in guns. Oh! I guess they'd be too much like bullets then!" - STiK
"Ladders are stupid. I'm not even going to explain why." - STiK
"Sometimes, in the jungle, things happen." - STiK
"If I were a hot air balloon, I'd probably float around like all the other hot air balloons--but in the end, I'd win." - STiK
"A judge once sentenced me to death. I told him, 'No thanks'" - STiK
"Going to the bathroom would be more fun, if you could win prizes." - STiK
"I like babies. They're just like microwaved plastic." - STiK
"Once you get over the 'Not being alive' problem, I'm sure you'll all find death fun." - STiK
"With a little work, skin makes a fine building material." - STiK
"If I weren't able to use tools, I think I'd probably go skiing a lot." - STiK
"If it were up to me, gravity would be orange." - STiK
"Hospitality or horticulture : it's just too hard to choose!" - STiK
"I wish I had a uterus. I'd wear it proudly, as a hat" - STiK
"I'm certain I have less feelings for moss, now that I'm older. I certainly don't caress it as much, anymore." - STiK
"Imagine Foamy Moons all day long--Yours for a price" - STiK
"I think people should be given ladles. Continuously." - STiK
"If absolute silence were only a little more quiet, we could actually have some fun." - STiK
"Most things aren't that shiny. Then again, most things aren't fish, either." - STiK
"If courage had a scent, I hope it would smell kind of like blueberries." - STiK
"Flying can be similar to being on fire, if done properly." - STiK
"If there were only one noun allowed, I'd hope PISTON would be that noun." - STiK
"If rape used more lasers, I bet it would be a bit more acceptable." - STiK
"A gentle breeze sometimes is as nice as a yard full of freshly delivered fetuses." - STiK
"If people had to slide a concrete block fifteen feet for every word they said, we could cut down on concrete shipping charges." - STiK
"There should be more shutes in today's society. This is supposed to be the modern world, after all." - STiK
"A free cruise, where you had to endure nonstop pain would still be worth it--well, except for the cruise part." - STiK
"Don't be a canal. Just don't. Ships will USE you" - STiK
"I wonder on what day God created Mini-Golf." - STiK
"Keep 'betrayer of the human race' off your resume." - Milky
"A lazy caterpillar is better than no caterpillar at all." - Milky
"Chess is set in Oshawa." - Thanatos Jones
"Ah, the harvest. When all the wheat and corn are gathered up, brought home, and eaten." - Milky
"The desert may seem hostile and unfriendly at first, but once you get to know it, whoa boy." - STiK
"Legs look the way they do because they're not arms." - STiK
"I'm writing this with my lung." - STiK
"If lines weren't straight, why, they'd be just like everything else." - STiK
"Golfing reminds me of being in the womb. Fore!" - STiK
"Death is just an excuse to stick people in the ground, where the real action is." - STiK
"I watch movies to make sure they're not watching me." - STiK
"Good thing pain is free; My lower body was just sucked into a propellor, and well, my wallet was in my back pocket." - STiK
"You're all fucking assholes HASHASHDFHDSF FUCK YOU!" - Corn Syrup
"Friends, Romans, what's the dif." - Xenomorph