"Fine. Let's say then, for the sake of argument, that the sun was a human being. Would it masturbate?"
It was a logical question, but for some reason, Billy thought that there was some sort of trick behind it. He refused to be made a fool of in front of his entire class. He continued to avoid the query. "But if it was a human being, it probably wouldn't be named 'the Sun'. That's a pretty stupid name."
Billy's teacher rubbed his tired eyes. "Ok. Let's move on then. This is pointless. Read question four."
Billy looked down at his paper and vocalized what was written beside the number 4. "If yaks were sand, could you still use them to make glass?"
"Right. So what do you think the answer to that one is? Like number 3, it's a pretty straightforward question. Yes or no."
Billy was being difficult today. "That's some big sand."
"Just answer the question."
"But if all yaks were sand, then what would happen to Tibet? They need their yaks."
The teacher groaned. "All right, fine. Not all yaks get turned to sand. Just one. Could you make glass out of that yak-sand?"
"How do you decide which one?"
"Take a vote."
"Can yaks vote?"
"No, but let's pretend they can. Please."
"If yaks could vote, then I think we would have a lot more to worry about then whether or not they could be used to make glass. Once they get the vote, they'll be looking for more political power. Look what happened to the rocks." He was referring to question 1, which asked "If rocks could vote, would the moon be God?" That one had stirred quite the classroom debate and it was decided that, if rocks COULD vote, not only would the moon be God, but a lot of people would be stoned. Particularly sculptors and stonemasons.
The teacher finally gave up. "Forget it. Question five, and Billy, you be quiet. I'll let Larry answer this one. Larry, read question five out loud. This one's a bit harder than the last few."
"If you were a hummingbird with a cold, how long would it take to fly from Singapore to Sarejavo?" Larry looked up from his paper. "That's too hard..." Larry was a whiner. He needed prodding.
"Come on, you can do this one. I'll give you a hint: assume x=1."
Suddenly, the world exploded.
[Author's note: In reading this story, assume Milky Puppy's story "The Swedeath 2000" (Yip,1993) is true and someone was pissed at someone else for something international.]