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How To Deal With Your Crying Baby
by Milky

What good is a crying baby? Nobody likes them. They're noisy, obnoxious and foul. However, sometimes a skilled parent can salvage such a tot. Here are some tips from the pros:

  • Maybe the baby is just crying because it wants you to remove its legs?
  • A baby who has been working in the fields all day is going to be too tired to cry.
  • Distract the crying baby with ham.
  • Trade the baby in for a better one while it's sleeping.
  • Replace the crying head with a new Happy Head (tm).
  • Sound cannot exist in a vaccuum.
  • Electroshock therapy (hey, tough love works).
  • Make fun of the baby's crying; shame it into stopping.
  • Put it in suspended animation until crying can be cured.
  • Act really nervous - pretend crying is illegal.
  • It's hard to cry underwater.