How To Deal With Your Crying Baby by Milky What good is a crying baby? Nobody likes them. They're noisy, obnoxious and foul. However, sometimes a skilled parent can salvage such a tot. Here are some tips from the pros: Maybe the baby is just crying because it wants you to remove its legs? A baby who has been working in the fields all day is going to be too tired to cry. Distract the crying baby with ham. Trade the baby in for a better one while it's sleeping. Replace the crying head with a new Happy Head (tm). Sound cannot exist in a vaccuum. Electroshock therapy (hey, tough love works). Make fun of the baby's crying; shame it into stopping. Put it in suspended animation until crying can be cured. Act really nervous - pretend crying is illegal. It's hard to cry underwater.