Fun Depot





The Art of Demanding Proof
by Milky and Plastic Brain Carrier

Why You Should Read This Article

OK, you're up against a wall. The police have you cornered. You just stole $5000 from a bank.

Police: Okay, thief, come with us.
Proof Artist: Why should I?
Police: Because you just robbed a bank!
Proof Artist: PROVE IT! (momentary silence) I SAID PROVE IT!
Police: $5000 is missing, and it's in your hand.
Proof Artist: How do you know it's the same $5000?
Police: We don't have to know! We're the police!
Proof Artist: PROVE IT! (More silence. The police show their badges.) FAKE!
Police: Well, I guess we'll have to let you go then. Bye!

Avoid Making Statements

A person can be considered to be winning an argument if he or she is asking a question or making a command. For example:

Proof Artist: Is Paul there?
Victim: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Proof Artist: Prove it.
Victim: Why should I?
Proof Artist: What does that mean?
Victim: Nothing.
Proof Artist: Prove it.

Ability to recover from a question is essential. Don't be tricked into stating a fact!

Proof Artist: Nice weather.
Novice: Prove it.
Proof Artist: Pardon?
Novice: I said 'prove it'.
Proof Artist: Prove that.
Novice: Are you going to make me?
Proof Artist: How would I know?

Masters can keep at this for hours, speaking only with questions and commands and withotu actually saying a thing.The Fake System (tm) Naturally, on occasion a victim will actually have proof of one of his or her statements. Skill Proof Artists deal with this through the use of the patented Fake System (tm).

Proof Artist: Prove your age.
Victim: I do have proof! My birth certificate! (displays certificate)
Proof Artist: FAKE!
Victim: Damn.


Demanding proof isn't the same as arguing. A Proof Artist does not attempt to convince his opponent of anything, just to make him feel dumb. For example:

Victim: Hi there, nice to see you.
Proof Artist: Prove it.
Victim: Hmm... Well, I'm smiling.
Proof Artist: FAKE!
Victim: Okay, fine, it's not nice to see you. You win.
Proof Artist: Prove it.

An individual can be considered a master Proof Artist only when he or she loses the ability to make statements, and no one is willing to speak with him or her.