It was in the winter of my fourteenth year that I fell in love with a sea monkey. The affair began on Christmas morning, after all the presents were unwrapped and I decided to give the new Sea Monkeys a whirl. I filled the plexiglass container with water and dumped in the Sea Monkey seeds.
"Life from dried seeds," I thought. "How beautiful."
The kit came with a magnifying glass, and thank god it did, otherwise I would never have seen... her. Using the magnifying glass I could barely make out my new friends. They were pinkish-white, perhaps a square millimeter in size. They wiggled about and sunk to the bottom so gracefully I thought I might burst into tears with joy.
That's when I first caught sight of Augule. She was swimming and diving and plummeting with everyone else, on their beautiful quest for the bottom of the plexiglass container. She was with the others, but strangely apart. She was radiant, and had a perfect body, about .7mm tall, and her measurements were .4mm x .3mm x .3mm, exactly the way I like 'em.
I tried to act nonchalant at first. "Hey. You're kinda cute," I said to her. She appeared to blush and turn away.
I abandoned the cool act, it wasn't working for me. "I need you! I'll die without you! You are everything that matters in my life!" I yelled. My parents looked at me nervously from the other room, and I gave them that "I'm-just-rehearsing-for-a-school-play" smile. "They wouldn't understand our love," I explained to Augule.
Augule was speechless, overwhelmed by my passion.
"I know. I know. You don't have to say anything, it's alright. I know we're different, because you're a sea monkey and I'm human, but that means NOTHING!! We can cross those bridges!" I yelled, near tears.
My father now walked in from the living room. "What're you up to there, sport?" he asked.
And now, in the heat of passion, I turned around and yelled at him, "I'm in love, Dad! You can't stop it so don't even try! Just because she's a sea monkey doesn't mean she's incapable of love!"
My father's mouth opened slightly. He just stood there, confused. After a moment, he said, "Don't talk to your sea monkeys anymore, or we'll have to take them away." He walked away.
Now, sobbing, I turned back to Augule and let her in on the horrible news. "It's just like Romeo and Juliet!" I sobbed. "They don't understand! They can't understand, they can't feel the passion between us!"
She had now reached the bottom of the plexiglass container, and seemed to be lying still at the bottom. I could only imagine her sorrow, knowing how females are more sensitive than males.
"Before they try to tear us apart," I gasped, "I want to kiss you, just once."
She was speechless. I ran off and found a pair of tweezers. I slowly reached in and raised her limp body to my lips. It was beautiful. I quickly lowered her back in the water, knowing that she would suffocate without it. I now began to bawl my eyes out.
My father rushed in and grabbed the plexiglass container. Before I realized what he was doing, he had poured my life force down the drain. "NO!!" I screamed. "You CAN'T!!" He could, of course. He already had. I simply did not realize this at the time.
I began to consider how exactly I would commit suicide. A butterknife through my skull seemed the most practical, although I liked the glamourous aspect of swallowing lava straight from a volcano. It was then that I looked up, and saw my dad staring into the sink in a daze.
"Yes," he mumbled, "I'll let you go if you kiss me."
Then it hit me! Augule was erasing the beauty of our relationship, by making a pass at my father! I ran to the sink and turned on the faucet. torrents of liquid death spewed out of the tap, sending the sea monkeys swirling down the drain to hell!
"SLUT!!" I screamed, and I collapsed on the floor, my life wasted by a cheap sea whore.