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15 AWESOME Sex Tips

1. Insert the man's penis - into your vagina! (This'll really get things moving!)

2. If after several days of having sex, neither of you has an orgasm, remove the penis from the vagina and consult a physician.

3. Sometimes your partner will be tired, and will enjoy just lying back and letting you do all the work. Do it! You get to keep their orgasms and add them to your stockpile.

4. For a bit of variety, try the "female superior" position, in which the female lies atop the man and inserts her vagina into his penis.

5. If the time is right, don't be afraid to shoot your man! (Yes, with a gun.) He'll love you for it "the morning after."

6. Variety is the spice of sex, so try to have sex in a wide variety of places such as the optometrist's, a peat bog, the earth's core, a bottle of cough syrup and the womb.

7. Hide your vagina somewhere in the house and then have your partner search for it with an arousing game of "Hotter/Colder"!

8. Often, today's on-the-go couples find there is simply not enough time for sex. Try having sex while doing other things, such as cooking, mowing the lawn or entertaining relatives.

9. Get a thesaurus and use it. Poor sex vocabulary is a turn off.

10. Babies are cute - AND HOT! Don't be afraid to "sprinkle some into the recipe" at that special moment!

11. One vagina is good - why not try two? (Advanced readers: or three!)

12. Make sure you memorize some key sex phrases, such as "Wooo" "Uhhh" and "Mama's little baby likes short'nin', short'nin', Mama's little baby likes short'nin' bread."

13. When not in use, store genitals in a cool, dry place away from magnetic fields.

14. They won't admit it, but what most men want more than anything else is to catch their woman going at it with two dead mules. Why not make his fantasy come true?

15. Leprosy? HOTrosy!

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