Fun Depot





War Is Fun

Govenments have been cutting back on war lately, and it's time something was done about it.

You may not be aware of it, but there just aren't as many wars going on these days as there used to be. Some people seem to think that war is an undesirable state of affairs. They should all be shot, if you ask me. We need less bleeding heart liberal pansies and more ironfisted men of action who aren't afraid to bomb a city every once in awhile. These damned "free thinkers" wouldn't be free at all if it weren't for bombs, bullets, and barbed wire.

"But war only results in death and destruction," they say. So bloody what? That's the war is supposed to be. That's what makes war different from a quilting bee. If they can't take a little death and destruction now and then, maybe they need some sense beaten into them. That's how we handled cowards in the old days, and it always worked just fine.

"I don't want my children to go off and die in some needless war," they snivel. Well I don't want to grow old and die, but that won't stop it from happening. Soldiers die, that's their job. Let them do it.

"There's no need for war anymore. Why can't we just exist in peace?" They plead. Because war is fun, damn it, and it's what we military commanders like to do. If they don't like it, then that's just too bloody bad.

How would professional golfers like it if they weren't allowed to golf anymore? Hmmm? Well they'd probably like just about as much as I like not being able to direct large scale battles. What if all of these wishy washy, tree-hugging traitors were military commanders? I'll wager they wouldn't like any of this anti-war nonsense then.

It's about time that we got back to some good clean warring. As god-fearing citizens, it is your duty to write to your government and complain about this blatant lack of war. If enough of us mobilize on this issue, we can get war back for good, and I can get back to some honest killing.

Field Marshal Lawrence Wellington can be reached at: Decent Folk for War, P.O. Box 903752, London, UK, 504970.